And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
