mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
