I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
