my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
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