I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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