Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
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