I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
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