I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
