We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
