There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
