is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
