I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
