I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she told me i tasted like america
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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