i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
