3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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