exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
