Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
you never un-have a 4some
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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