Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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