you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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