so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
