Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
