Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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