so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
