I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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