no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
