When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Randomize
