If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
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There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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