im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
