It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
