dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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