she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
