do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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