Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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