Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
