Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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