8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
