i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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