Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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