I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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