And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
