Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
