put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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