Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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