a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
