I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
