do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
