So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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