Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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