It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
