Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
