i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
