You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
