Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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