Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Hippo gnu deer
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
