garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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