You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
