like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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