sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
