Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You work out of a Hotel?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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