If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
