OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
