its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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