I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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