I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
