i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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