i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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