pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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