Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
